It is cold today, 25 degree the thermometer said. I complained, I wasn't ready to be awake yet. Our English Bulldog, Chunk said otherwise. The chill bit as we walked on the porch, but the sun was out and feeling it's warmth was lovely.
The leaves have ice on them. The wind was blowing just enough to bring refreshing. It was silent. No one else stirring outside, except the chirp of a bird somewhere in the trees. It was beautiful. I thanked God for his creation, and for this unusual time allowed to just stop and listen. Speak to me Lord, open my eyes and heart today... show me what you want me to learn today.
After preparing a cup of coffee, I opened my laptop to check my emails. I see one come in and moan inwardly... what now. Hurt, bitterness, anger rises up in just a moment and chokes out the joy I felt this morning. I read the message anyway... suffering, illness, fear of the unknown is what was shared with me. God spoke... forgiveness.
But God... you know how she feels about me. You know what she's done to my family. YOU KNOW.... Oh Father, You Know. And You forgave anyway. You love them anyway. You called them Your own... Forgive. Forgive as You forgive.
In my search to be more like Him. To grow closer to Him. I must follow in His steps... and forgive. Why is it so hard with some people? Pride? Yes. Selfishness? Yes. But that is not what God has called me to be. I must lay down these "old man flesh" ways. You can not move in my life and bless me unless I do. I can't grow closer to You, unless I do.
Ok Lord, I see. I understand. I must be sympathetic to what has happened in her life. I must be kind. I must show humility first. I must be gentle with my words. Patient... that is the hardest. Loving... I must share love for her. I must love her regardless of anything from the past, present... even future.
I understand. This isn't what I had in mind when I asked You to speak to me today. I wanted something sweet and easy. But I hear You. I love You. So, I will obey You. Thank You, Father, for always forgiving and loving me.