Monday, March 23, 2009

I resign...

as a parent! Well not really, but I have decided it is much easier when they are younger! I love all of my children so much. I have done all I know to bring them up in church, and teach them to love the Lord. What do you do.... when you have one who seems to pull against everything you believe... and has no desire to "know" the Lord?

I never really ever entertained this... but it seems to be how it is with one of my older kids. My heart is breaking. I gave them to the Lord, so I know He has a bigger plan than I can even comprehend. But how do you sit by and "trust" .... knowing your heart is breaking?

I have read The Power of a Praying Parent years ago... but last night, God nudged me about 3 am to go pull it out. So I did.

The first verse used in the book, touched my heart... and although I do pray for my children, I realize I have not "poured out my heart" in a while regarding them. Lamentations 2:19 says, "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children." So, I realize... it's time to get mean and get touch, and do some major "pouring" toward the face of the Lord.

I have made so many mistakes, bad choices, etc when I was younger, but I never felt "away" from God. It was like He was there behind me still pulling me, even when I refused to listen, and did it "my way". I don't see that in the life of my child. It's like nothing moves them, nothing touches them... and it hurts.

Well.... this is the trial of my time right now. Prayer will go on, fighting and warring over my kids. I love them all so much, and do not want to see any "lost" to this world!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Quick Share...

I love Hillsong, so many of their worship and praise songs touch my life. But there is one right now that is my anthem. It's "Desert Song". I'm sharing the lyrics. If you would like to listen to it, you can find a video on or

Verse 1:

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praiseI will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoiceI will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It's really hard...

to wait. I am definately NOT a patient person. I am trying, but it drives me crazy to not see the "other side" of a situtation. I realize this is not about God, it's about me, and my lack of surrender of certain areas of my life.

Some things are so easy to lay down, my family is the hardest. But I'm learning. My husband's company that he had been with for 8 years closed in December. Right now, we are still without a job. I go through days of complete panic, then I go through days of peace. We haven't "run out" of anything so far. And God has provided through people we don't even know.

I remember stories from my grandmother, about me when I was little. I grew up in the church, my mom and grandmother were my teachers. I knew the Bible when I was very young. According to my grandmother, I had FAITH. She said, If I was told that God would do this or that, or His word said this or that, I believed it. Nothing could change my mind. The past few days I've been looking back over life wondering... when did that change.

I found some answers, and it wasn't God ever failing me, it was me failing God and myself. It's because I chose to do it "my way" instead of waiting for His will in my life. I failed to seek Him. I let my focus be on other "things" instead of Him. My faith is lacking because of me, not Him.

Last Sunday, I just really didn't want to be at church. I am frustrated with so much right now, so many things beyond my control. But I knew I had responsibilites that I must follow through. So as I prepared myself in prayer and reading His word, I read these words of Davids:

Psalm 27

v4. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

v5. For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

Lord, I want to dwell with YOU. I want to seek YOUR ways in everything. I want to see YOU and not all the "things" of this world. May I put my focus on YOU. May I find you, and dwell in YOU, while I am waiting for the things of this world to come to pass. May "things" not block my view of YOUR true beauty. May "things" never come before YOU in my life.