Wednesday, March 11, 2009

It's really hard...

to wait. I am definately NOT a patient person. I am trying, but it drives me crazy to not see the "other side" of a situtation. I realize this is not about God, it's about me, and my lack of surrender of certain areas of my life.

Some things are so easy to lay down, my family is the hardest. But I'm learning. My husband's company that he had been with for 8 years closed in December. Right now, we are still without a job. I go through days of complete panic, then I go through days of peace. We haven't "run out" of anything so far. And God has provided through people we don't even know.

I remember stories from my grandmother, about me when I was little. I grew up in the church, my mom and grandmother were my teachers. I knew the Bible when I was very young. According to my grandmother, I had FAITH. She said, If I was told that God would do this or that, or His word said this or that, I believed it. Nothing could change my mind. The past few days I've been looking back over life wondering... when did that change.

I found some answers, and it wasn't God ever failing me, it was me failing God and myself. It's because I chose to do it "my way" instead of waiting for His will in my life. I failed to seek Him. I let my focus be on other "things" instead of Him. My faith is lacking because of me, not Him.

Last Sunday, I just really didn't want to be at church. I am frustrated with so much right now, so many things beyond my control. But I knew I had responsibilites that I must follow through. So as I prepared myself in prayer and reading His word, I read these words of Davids:

Psalm 27

v4. One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

v5. For in the day of trouble He will keep me safe in His dwelling;
He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle
and set me high upon a rock.

Lord, I want to dwell with YOU. I want to seek YOUR ways in everything. I want to see YOU and not all the "things" of this world. May I put my focus on YOU. May I find you, and dwell in YOU, while I am waiting for the things of this world to come to pass. May "things" not block my view of YOUR true beauty. May "things" never come before YOU in my life.


  1. Vanessa,

    I needed this boost, too.

    Thank you for posting your thoughts. I have felt like this the last few weeks as well.


  2. That was wonderful. That passage in Psalms 27 is one of my favorites. However, it is especially beautiful to see how God is using it in your life.

    Thanks for the thoughts about living for God. I pray that we will all draw closer to Him.

    I often wonder why I wander from Him. How can I time and time again choose something else over Him?

    When He draws me to Himself through whatever situation I am amazed (and saddened) that it took so much to get me in His presence. I am even more amazed at His love for me that draws me to Him, that He is more than willing to do whatever it takes to bring me back again with the same kind of love He showed me through Jesus' sacrificial death on the cross.