Monday, March 23, 2009

I resign...

as a parent! Well not really, but I have decided it is much easier when they are younger! I love all of my children so much. I have done all I know to bring them up in church, and teach them to love the Lord. What do you do.... when you have one who seems to pull against everything you believe... and has no desire to "know" the Lord?

I never really ever entertained this... but it seems to be how it is with one of my older kids. My heart is breaking. I gave them to the Lord, so I know He has a bigger plan than I can even comprehend. But how do you sit by and "trust" .... knowing your heart is breaking?

I have read The Power of a Praying Parent years ago... but last night, God nudged me about 3 am to go pull it out. So I did.

The first verse used in the book, touched my heart... and although I do pray for my children, I realize I have not "poured out my heart" in a while regarding them. Lamentations 2:19 says, "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children." So, I realize... it's time to get mean and get touch, and do some major "pouring" toward the face of the Lord.

I have made so many mistakes, bad choices, etc when I was younger, but I never felt "away" from God. It was like He was there behind me still pulling me, even when I refused to listen, and did it "my way". I don't see that in the life of my child. It's like nothing moves them, nothing touches them... and it hurts.

Well.... this is the trial of my time right now. Prayer will go on, fighting and warring over my kids. I love them all so much, and do not want to see any "lost" to this world!

1 comment:

  1. Vanessa,

    I can hear the struggling in your thoughts. I once went through not wanting to God in my life growing up, but it was when I was around 19/20 years old. I made some really bad choices in that time in my life. We learn from those choices.

    Just pray for them and let our Lord lead his/her heart. Pour your heart to Him, like you mentioned. When let Him take care of things in our lives that worry us, He always pulls us through.

    I thought that this song's lyrics might help you. It is written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend of The Gettys ( if you ever get to see them in concert, it will be an experience you will never forget; they are from Ireland. They come to our church ever summer ).

    In Christ Alone

    In Christ alone my hope is found
    He is my light, my strength, my song
    This Cornerstone, this solid ground
    Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
    What heights of love, what depths of peace
    When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
    My Comforter, my All in All
    Here in the love of Christ I stand

    In Christ alone, who took on flesh
    Fullness of God in helpless babe
    This gift of love and righteousness
    Scorned by the ones He came to save
    'Till on that cross as Jesus died
    The wrath of God was satisfied
    For every sin on Him was laid
    Here in the death of Christ I live

    There in the ground His body lay
    Light of the world by darkness slain
    Then bursting forth in glorious Day
    Up from the grave He rose again
    And as He stands in victory
    Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
    For I am His and He is mine
    Bought with the precious blood of Christ

    No guilt in life, no fear in death
    This is the power of Christ in me
    From life's first cry to final breath
    Jesus commands my destiny
    No power of hell, no scheme of man
    Can ever pluck me from His hand
    'Till He returns or calls me home
    Here in the power of Christ I'll stand