as a parent! Well not really, but I have decided it is much easier when they are younger! I love all of my children so much. I have done all I know to bring them up in church, and teach them to love the Lord. What do you do.... when you have one who seems to pull against everything you believe... and has no desire to "know" the Lord?
I never really ever entertained this... but it seems to be how it is with one of my older kids. My heart is breaking. I gave them to the Lord, so I know He has a bigger plan than I can even comprehend. But how do you sit by and "trust" .... knowing your heart is breaking?
I have read The Power of a Praying Parent years ago... but last night, God nudged me about 3 am to go pull it out. So I did.
The first verse used in the book, touched my heart... and although I do pray for my children, I realize I have not "poured out my heart" in a while regarding them. Lamentations 2:19 says, "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children." So, I realize... it's time to get mean and get touch, and do some major "pouring" toward the face of the Lord.
I have made so many mistakes, bad choices, etc when I was younger, but I never felt "away" from God. It was like He was there behind me still pulling me, even when I refused to listen, and did it "my way". I don't see that in the life of my child. It's like nothing moves them, nothing touches them... and it hurts.
Well.... this is the trial of my time right now. Prayer will go on, fighting and warring over my kids. I love them all so much, and do not want to see any "lost" to this world!